i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
