You can't motorboat a personality
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
