He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
