God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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