I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize