I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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