Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
