my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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