no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
