I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
