i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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