I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
