DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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