True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
