I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
love makes seman taste better
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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