chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
