he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
