Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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