ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
