Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
