I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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