your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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