If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
