I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What a dumb baby whore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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