you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
