She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
