i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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