i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
