I could have mohawked her pubes.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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