Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
