there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
