Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
