At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
