Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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