my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
