Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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