6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize