if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just google imaged poop.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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