he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
