is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
