Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
