we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
