i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
