margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this will be a night to untag.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
