also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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