Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
