He told me they were just razor bumps!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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