You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
