i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
