As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
