Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
