I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am puke
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
