so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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