U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
honey bunches of taint.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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