I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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