so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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