My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
