i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
