btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
