my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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