So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
