Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
