Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
