Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
