I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
being pregnant is like rehab
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
